SHOW NOTES EPISODE 11:

Move with your own rhythm

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This is a writing from my new book "Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself"

___________________

They all ask me:

What do you want to do with your life, Charlotte?

What do you want to be?

Where do you want to live?

 

I tilt my head to the other side, letting my eyes wander deep into theirs. I notice a soft touch of wind on my chin, grabbing hold of my hair. The sky is full of clouds, shifting and reshaping, making space to fill it up again.

 

What do you want to do with your life, Charlotte? Where do you want to live?

 

I’ve lived half my life in constant restriction. Restricting my body from growing, blooming, shaping, shifting. Restricting my heart from loving too much, feeling too much, hurting too deeply. I lived half my life restricting my surroundings, or restricted by my surroundings. Don’t go too far, don’t move too far, don’t leave the ground.

 

But my body is a temple and I was not born to live in chains. I stand on a mountain, in a forest, by the water, and I feel free. I feel free to breathe and move, flex and shape

and I let my chest open and close.

I let my eyes go and breath go and I feel the wind moving me, from within, and I let go.

 

What do you want to do with your life, Charlotte?

 

I want to move with no restrictions. I want to grow and flex and reshape, a little every day, and I want to listen to natural sounds, playing melodies in the air, and I want to close my eyes, believe in what I feel and I want to let this inner melody guide me. Move me. 

 

It’s like a melody moving me from the inside and when I listen closely enough I can hear it.

 

I want to live here, in this, in the guiding of my own inner rhythm and I want to be this: a force of nature moving wherever it feels right, and I want my life to be this: a temple of strength and grace, a torch in the night, a sacred space of healing.

 

 

Close your eyes.

Place your hand on your heart.

Do you hear it? 

What about now?

 

That’s your rhythm. Move with that.

 

MUSIC USED IN THIS EPISODE:

Dr. Toast - lotus

East Forest - Let Go

________________

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5am
again,
drunk on someone else’s love,
or couch,
and I’ve never felt more at home.

I fled myself,
from the life I’ve built
because I’ve been inhabiting routines I don’t want to stand for.

Inhabiting skin I’d rather shed
but still took on
like a soldier serving his country,
for that’s what they told me to do.
But I was not
strong
or wise,
but young and foolish,
for what is this thing? Trading passions for a tiny bit of acceptance,

and I am not a Sunday morning inside four walls
with clean blood
and organised drawers.
I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests
at night when no one else is alive,
or awake,
however you choose to see it,
and I live in my own flames.
Sometimes burning too bright and too wild
to make things last 
or handle
myself or anyone else
and so I run.
Run run run,
far and wide
until my bones ache and lungs split
and it feels good.
Hear that, people? It feels good,
because I am the slave and ruler of my own body
and I wish to do with it exactly as I please,
and living in this skin is hard and painful, most of the times,

because I never volunteered to take this on.

The daily sacrifice of heart over mind,
the forever on going task of explaining this and that,
and why I don’t want to look like this and
be like that
but still here I am and if this is the body I’ve been given I’m sure as hell gonna make it work.
If this is the place I’ve been given, I’m sure as hell gonna make this work.

So I fled the me that was never really me and I’m on my way. To newer lands and uncleaned streets
for I’ve had enough of childish safety in comfort.
Enough of all telling me to look and do, like this and that,

and I never meant to please anyone but myself
and you can call me selfish,
throw words like knives in the dark but I will not listen,
for not listening to sharp words brought me to where I am today
and I believe in the path I’ve been given. If my only task in this life is to walk it,
I surely will walk it
prouder than anyone else.

If this is the path I’ve been given, I will walk it
prouder than anyone else,
for no one else can.

// from my book You’re Doing Just Fine ☾

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