SHOW NOTES EPISODE 36:

Things I Learned in 2019

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1. Clarity and vision are everything
When you’re clear on what kind of life you want to live, what kind of person you want to be, and what you want to achieve the next couple of months … you can say no to everything that doesn’t align with that life. You can stop chasing people who don’t align with your future vision. You can stop spending time on jobs or tasks that won’t bring you closer to those accomplishments and that life.


This can be applied on everything. On your work and career, creative projects, health, relationships and friendships.
If you know what sort of life you want, with each new relationship you can simply ask yourself: “does this relationship align with that future vision?”


If you’re offered a new job or project to take on, ask yourself “will this job enable me to become the me I’m visioning? Does it align with the life I’m trying to shape?”

2. To attract the things you want, you have to live as if you already have them. 
I learned to buy fresh flowers and burn the nice candles even if no one else will be around to enjoy it. I learned to dress up for no one but me and present myself to new people as the person I aspire to become.
Live like the person you’re fighting to become, and you slowly will.

3. You can be in love all the time, with everyone and everything, because it simply makes you feel good. 
I was heartbroken for a year after my last breakup. I felt like I had been abandoned and I no longer had anyone to pour my love into, nor any love to receive.
But through various spiritual teachers, I slowly found a way to understand that I am the one who’s creating the feeling of both being in love and being loved. No one else can make me feel that way, I am the one who’s letting myself feel that way. Only I can let myself feel loved. And I can learn to feel love and feel loved all the time. By the people on the street. By the universe. By my mentors and teachers that I’ve never met but whose teachings I’ve devoured and now I’m trying to practice. By my ancestors and grandfathers. I can choose to feel their smiles towards me, from above, loving me like the child I am under this sky.
When I feel lonely or isolated, I have learned to tune into the feeling of love within and create it myself. Then let it radiate to anyone and everyone around me.

4. Forgive people and let them go. Refuse to talk about them again.
I chose to forgive the people who disappointed me because I simply needed to free myself.
I’ve been discovering something called energy cutting. It’s a spiritual energy practice that makes  you sit down visualise lines of energy between you and the people you can’t let go of. Then you visualise cutting the ropes between you and them, physically, see the ropes in your mind and cut it off. Free yourself. Say “I wish you well” and smile, but free yourself from their energy ties.
You will not feel free of anger or disappointment in just a short second of imagining this, but by  doing this visualisation every morning or evening for a couple of weeks, I slowly found myself feeling free of resentment and anger towards people. I free myself.

5. Practice zero based thinking.
This is a technique I’ve learned from Brian Tracy.
It goes like this: If you started from scratch right know, knowing what you know today, but could design and shape yourself and your life from scratch, what would you keep doing? What would you stop doing? What you change, and what would you keep?
If you could completely start anew with your health. Imagine you have no habits or addictions, no preferences, just knowledge. How would you lay it out?

I constantly practice this with my music career. When I started working on this new album I felt very restricted by my past albums. I felt like I had built a certain reputation as an artist and it was restricting me in my visions and goals. So started ask myself, every single day: if I was a completely new artist, launching myself for the first time with this album, how would I present myself? What music would I make? What people would I want to reach? What would be purpose? My message? I can build this career however I want because I’m starting from a blank canvas, how would I do it? By doing that I stopped spending time on certain things and started focusing on other things. When I was writing I caught myself thinking “mm that’s not my sound” and replaced that thought with “if I had no sound yet, would this be something I could identify with?”


This practice enabled me to find a new direction as an artist and a little bit of a new start.


I think the main point with this is that we tend to hold ourselves hostage with our own past. Our own past failures and achievements. Saying “I was never any good at that, or I never learned that” or “i already tried..” Or “I can’t quit.. I can’t start.. I’m too old.. it’s too late..”
These are all lazy excuses to not put in the work it takes to build a great a life and you know it.

Practice zero based thinking: if you could start from scratch tomorrow, today, every day, how would you structure your day? Who would you spend time with? What would you eat, read and consume?

What relationship would you seek out? If you would build a new relationship with someone, knowing what you know now about relationships, how would you nurture that relationship? How would you act within it? How would you support your partner? How would you communicate?
Whatever your answer is to that, start that relationship today, with the same person even. 
You can restart a relationship or friendship any day. All it takes is changed behaviour and you will find  yourself with a new relationship. Maybe the relationship of your dreams.

Stop letting the past control you. Start anew. Do it now, do it every day.

 

6. The 12 year cycle.
This year I’ve been completely in awe of the studies and thoughts about living life in cycles. There is the 7 year cycle, saying that every 7th year your cells have completely renewed themselves. You literally have a completely new body. I can also see how my main themes in life have started and ended in 7 year cycles, and I’m just about to begin a new one. 
But then there is another thought about only living  your life in a 12 year cycle starting now. This thought set myself free from anxieties about the future.

I started practicing this thought: 
A lot of my anxiety and sadness comes from carrying the future like a heavy burden. Will things ever change, will I end up alone, will I always live with this sadness, will I ever “make it”?
Heartbreak leaves you lonely and small, work and city-life leaves you tired and worn out. 
But a lot of it comes from taking yourself and your life too seriously. I’m not proposing to start gambling with your life, I mean it in the lightest way. When I start feeling anxious, I let myself thing the thought that the only life cycle I need to live right is the next 12 years. That’s the only cycle I need to think about. 
12 years I can have time to try out many more cities to live in, I will find many friendships, fall in love, fall out of love, read hundreds of books, write hundreds of songs, listen to the rain from many different windows and laugh with lovely people in many different bars.


If I let myself think that all I need to do is live my best life the next 12 years, I don’t feel the future being as heavy anymore. It feels lighter. And the best thing is, I can see that if I simply focus on living my best life every day for 12 years, the future will take care of itself.

So that’s where the magic happens, I think. When you can create a crystal clear vision for yourself and your life so that you know what you’re striving towards, but also only focus on squeezing the most out of the next decade of your life, with no worries about what happens after that. That’s when I at least feel the most peaceful, excited and calm.

 

Those are my 6 major lessons in 2019. I would love to hear yours. What did you learn this year? What will you bring with you? What will you leave behind?

I know the next decade will be the best decade of my life, so far. I know it, because I will create it.


I love you guys, bye.

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5am
again,
drunk on someone else’s love,
or couch,
and I’ve never felt more at home.

I fled myself,
from the life I’ve built
because I’ve been inhabiting routines I don’t want to stand for.

Inhabiting skin I’d rather shed
but still took on
like a soldier serving his country,
for that’s what they told me to do.
But I was not
strong
or wise,
but young and foolish,
for what is this thing? Trading passions for a tiny bit of acceptance,

and I am not a Sunday morning inside four walls
with clean blood
and organised drawers.
I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests
at night when no one else is alive,
or awake,
however you choose to see it,
and I live in my own flames.
Sometimes burning too bright and too wild
to make things last 
or handle
myself or anyone else
and so I run.
Run run run,
far and wide
until my bones ache and lungs split
and it feels good.
Hear that, people? It feels good,
because I am the slave and ruler of my own body
and I wish to do with it exactly as I please,
and living in this skin is hard and painful, most of the times,

because I never volunteered to take this on.

The daily sacrifice of heart over mind,
the forever on going task of explaining this and that,
and why I don’t want to look like this and
be like that
but still here I am and if this is the body I’ve been given I’m sure as hell gonna make it work.
If this is the place I’ve been given, I’m sure as hell gonna make this work.

So I fled the me that was never really me and I’m on my way. To newer lands and uncleaned streets
for I’ve had enough of childish safety in comfort.
Enough of all telling me to look and do, like this and that,

and I never meant to please anyone but myself
and you can call me selfish,
throw words like knives in the dark but I will not listen,
for not listening to sharp words brought me to where I am today
and I believe in the path I’ve been given. If my only task in this life is to walk it,
I surely will walk it
prouder than anyone else.

If this is the path I’ve been given, I will walk it
prouder than anyone else,
for no one else can.

// from my book You’re Doing Just Fine ☾

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