I am ...
I'm messy and I'm organized and I'm still trying to piece my own self together. I can't sleep at night because how could I close my eyes when there's a whole world out there, calling my name, waiting to be explored. I love intelligent conversations while laying on empty streets at 5am in the morning, and I love watching the sun rise over a world that is still asleep. I make mistakes and I mess up a lot, but I'm trying to learn how to be okay with that. Some days I couldn't care less about what all of you think about my art because this is my life and all I have. But then there are days when all I want is to be beautiful and good enough and someone to count on. Someone to like and love and believe in. I just really want to mean something to someone.
I believe in the future, for I have seen yesterday and I'm still alive. I laugh a lot and I believe in the beauty in small things. Like the coffee in the morning with someone you love, road-trips to nowhere and oceans. I love people who are curious and careless, because I want to be curious and careless and even though I'm mostly guarded, mostly shy, what I really want is to hug every single person I meet and ask them a thousand questions about their definition of a life lived well and if they've ever been in love and how they could go on when that love disappeared, because I am struggling. People fascinate me because I can't seem to understand them, and they rarely understand me. The way they can live and breathe and simply be, when I can't even look myself in the mirror without questioning every line, every expression and people’s perception. I remember every single word from conversations and I have a whole box of unsent letters to myself and every person I've ever met.
When I was 18 I packed a rucksack and went out to meet the world. I wanted to become a person I could be proud of and create a life that made me excited to wake up in the morning. I dedicated my life to my art and music, determined to tell the world about it. I went everywhere and nowhere. Spent nights on the concrete, had beautiful conversations with strangers, and walked foreign streets every day. I learned how to build my home in my music and my art. When I sing or write, I'm not scared anymore. I just want to mean something to someone because every person I meet means the world to me and I just wish to belong. I just wish to be me and be loved for that. I believe that if you want something bad enough, you can always find a way to get it. I love challenges because I'm here to prove myself and other people wrong.
I still don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way, and I'm giving my life to this journey. My life is this journey.
I wanted to turn my life into art, my very existence into a poem.
It might not always be easy, but it will always be beautiful.
“Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.”
“Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.”
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