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Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself
growing up is a wonderful thing to do
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The 4th book from songwriter & author Charlotte Eriksson is a narrative journey of both prose and poetry, meditating on the joys and struggles of growing up. It's about consciously creating yourself, finding a place in the world and not being afraid to get lost on the way.
“I'm not everything I want to be, but I'm more than I was, and I'm still learning."
SIGNED WITH LOVE
I will personally sign every single book purchased from my own store, and send to you together with some surprises. I ship worldwide! ♡
The book is also available on Amazon worldwide.
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I'm trying, as I always will.
I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days. It overwhelms me as I’m sitting on the bus, watching the golden leaves from a window; a sudden burst of realisation in the middle of the night. I can’t help it and I can’t stop it. I’m alone as I’ve always been and sometimes it hurts.
But I’m learning to breathe deeply through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. To comfort my own heart when I wake up feeling sad. To find small bits of friendship in a crowd full of strangers. To find small bits of joy in a blue sky, from a trip somewhere not so far away. A long walk on an early morning in December, or a handwritten letter to an old friend with nothing but “I thought of you. I hope you’re well.”
No one will come and save you. No one will come riding on a white horse and take all your worries away. You have to save yourself, little by little, day by day. Build yourself a home. Nurture your body. Find something to work on. Something that makes you excited, something you want to learn. Get yourself some books and learn them by heart. Get to know the author, where he grew up, what books he read himself. Take yourself out for dinner. Dress up for no one but you and simply feel nice. It’s a lovely feeling, to feel pretty. You don’t need anyone to confirm it.
I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days, but I’m learning to breathe deep through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. Slowly building myself a home with things I like. Colours that calm me down, a plan to follow when things turn dark. A few people I try to treat right, even though I don’t sometimes, but it’s my intention to do so. I’m learning.
I’m learning to make things nice for myself. I’m learning to save myself.
I’m trying, as I always will.
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My Story
I'm messy and I'm organized and I'm still trying to piece my own self together. I can't sleep at night because how could I close my eyes when there's a whole world out there, calling my name, waiting to be explored. I love intelligent conversations while laying on empty streets at 5am in the morning, and I love watching the sun rise over a world that is still asleep. I make mistakes and I mess up a lot, but I'm trying to learn how to be okay with that. Some days I couldn't care less about what all of you think about my art because this is my life and all I have. But then there are days when all I want is to be beautiful and good enough and someone to count on. Someone to like and love and believe in. I just really want to mean something to someone.
I believe in the future, for I have seen yesterday and I'm still alive. I laugh a lot and I believe in the beauty in small things. Like the coffee in the morning with someone you love, road-trips to nowhere and oceans. I love people who are curious and careless, because I want to be curious and careless and even though I'm mostly guarded, mostly shy, what I really want is to hug every single person I meet and ask them a thousand questions about their definition of a life lived well and if they've ever been in love and how they could go on when that love disappeared, because I am struggling. People fascinate me because I can't seem to understand them, and they rarely understand me. The way they can live and breathe and simply be, when I can't even look myself in the mirror without questioning every line, every expression and people’s perception. I remember every single word from conversations and I have a whole box of unsent letters to myself and every person I've ever met.
When I was 18 I moved all on my own from my home in Sweden to London to become the person I wanted to be, and create a life that made me excited to wake up in the morning. After a year in solitude with my mind and my music, I packed light and spent a year homeless on the road, dedicating my life to my art and music, determined to tell the world about it. I went everywhere and nowhere. Spent nights on the concrete, had beautiful conversations with strangers and walked foreign streets every day. I learned how to build my home in my music and my art. When I sing or write, I'm not scared anymore. I just want to mean something to someone because every person I meet means the world to me and I just wish to belong. I just wish to be me and be loved for that. I believe that if you want something bad enough, you can always find a way to get it. I love challenges because I'm here to prove myself and other people wrong.
I still don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way, and I'm giving my life to this journey. My life is this journey.
I wanted to turn my life into art, my very existence into a poem.
It might not always be easy, but it will always be beautiful.
★★★★★
"I recommend this book for anyone feeling lost, depressed, lonely, immigrants especially, or people who are abroad for study or work, away from family or who travel a lot without setting roots anywhere. We're not alone in what we feel."
– Madalina, US
★★★★★
"This is a book not about finding yourself, but creating yourself. Split into two parts, it covers an artist's journey to turn her creative talents inward, and shape who she will be in years to come."
– Dustin Bragg, US
★★★★★
"I loved this book.
The author writes beautifully and so earnestly that you find yourself immersed in the author's thoughts, reflections and life experiences.
A true free spirit. A lover of life and hope. A passionate advocate for strength, growth, and re-invention.
This is a book which I will be re-reading regularly to feel a little less alone with my uncertainties and during dark times.
I know I will be soothed by the words I will read. Reading this book felt very therapeutic. Many thanks to the author."
“I am entering a new phase. I am done with my childish sorrow. I no longer want to vagabond my way through life, a little to the right, feeling left behind. I want to become a person of warmth and integrity. I want to feel certain and at peace, knowing my own worth and ways, and I want to create my own self and my own life and I no longer want to feel left behind.
Maybe I can grow into someone I will be proud to be.
It’s time to grow into someone I’m proud to be."