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I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days. It overwhelms me as I’m sitting on the bus, watching the golden leaves from a window; a sudden burst of realisation in the middle of the night. I can’t help it and I can’t stop it. I’m alone as I’ve always been and sometimes it hurts.
But I’m learning to breathe deeply through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. To comfort my own heart when I wake up feeling sad. To find small bits of friendship in a crowd full of strangers. To find small bits of joy in a blue sky, from a trip somewhere not so far away. A long walk on an early morning in December, or a handwritten letter to an old friend with nothing but “I thought of you. I hope you’re well.”
 

No one will come and save you. No one will come riding on a white horse and take all your worries away. You have to save yourself, little by little, day by day. Build yourself a home. Nurture your body. Find something to work on. Something that makes you excited, something you want to learn. Get yourself some books and learn them by heart. Get to know the author, where he grew up, what books he read himself. Take yourself out for dinner. Dress up for no one but you and simply feel nice. It’s a lovely feeling, to feel pretty. You don’t need anyone to confirm it.
 

I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days, but I’m learning to breathe deep through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. Slowly building myself a home with things I like. Colours that calm me down, a plan to follow when things turn dark. A few people I try to treat right, even though I don’t sometimes, but it’s my intention to do so. I’m learning.
I’m learning to make things nice for myself. I’m learning to save myself.
 

I’m trying, as I always will.

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"A modern day vagabonding beat poet, a possible love child of Patti Smith and Jack Kerouac "

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The 4th book from Swedish songwriter & author Charlotte Eriksson is a narrative journey from a lost and wandering youth, trying to find a place in the world, to slowly growing into a peaceful meditation on the joys of growing up, changing and befriending yourself. We get to follow a young woman, consciously creating herself, striving towards an adult self.

 

"Where are our heroes?" she asks. "Where are our role models? Why are we leaving youth behind and laughing at the ones who are still there? Why not help each other out instead? with a little grace. with a little compassion. Love for all and everyone around because we’re all stumbling or succeeding back and forth, every day, and I want more community. I want helpers and guidance. Am I helping someone?"

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Charlotte helps by documenting her struggles, inner journeys and outer experiences, and she helps by sharing them with the world as boldly and bravely as she does.

 

"We’re all going through the same journey of growing from kids to teenagers to young adults to somewhat adult—to maybe a little calmer, to even more calm, and some lose their ways here but I want to speak up about it and hear that we’re all on the same journey. We’re all on the same road but it feels like everyone’s ashamed of walking this road so everyone’s looking down, trying not to be seen, pretending their feet are steady and not stumbling."

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It's a joy to watch Charlotte's growth as a writer and young woman through these poetic lines.

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– Amy Rose, editor

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"I am entering a new phase. I am done with my childish sorrow. I no longer want to vagabond my way through life, a little to the right, feeling left behind. I want to become a person of warmth and integrity. I want to feel certain and at peace, knowing my own worth and ways, and I want to create my own self and my own life and I no longer want to feel left behind.

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Maybe I can grow into someone I will be proud to be. 
It’s time to grow into someone I’m proud to be."