• Charlotte Eriksson

Growing up is a wonderful thing to do


Growing up is a wonderful thing to do. Tracing the years back, looking at myself like someone else, someone different. I was angry and anxious, wanting to prove the whole world wrong, prove myself wrong, prove that I could be anything I wanted to be and I was gonna show them all.


I was driven by external forces, wanting everyone to see me like this and think of me like that. I planned my words carefully, my clothes, my songs so that the world would see me from the right angle.


It’s different now. I’m different now. I don’t spin the chair anymore. I rest peacefully with both eyes steady, listening and caring. I don’t rush through the rain with a rucksack, but instead say, “Let’s have another coffee, tell me one more story,” and I wait out the rain.


I’m no longer driven by external forces, but internal ones. I no longer care what the world sees me as. Instead I care about what I think of myself. How I feel, here, now, hands on my heart. Am I peaceful? Am I calm? Am I content? Lonely? Wise? Do I sit steady, do I listen, do I care?


I want to care. I want to be someone who cares genuinely about people and places, the climate and health. I want to care about my pace and my body, my days and my work. My work … the only thing I’ve ever had. My books and my songs, my journey on this endless road and I love it still, the constant tugging, wanting to reach a little deeper, create a little better. Lovelier, with grace.


I want to be a woman of integrity, walking strong and sure no matter where and I want to talk in a way that draws people in. I want to lower my voice, look people straight in the eyes and talk to their heart, like they’re the only ones that matter for me in this very second because I want to be someone who sees people. Who cares. Who helps. Who can reach out a hand and say, “You’re not alone.” I want to leave everyone I meet feeling a little better about themselves and I want to make people excited about their own lives and journeys. I want to make people feel special, like they matter, like they always do. Everyone has a story to tell and I want to hear them—I want to hear it all.


I want to be a woman who paved her own path and who knows failure and heartache but who kept going anyway because it made her wiser. It made her smarter and stronger, but also softer and kinder. I want to be the one you turn to for guidance and comfort. I want to create things that become a source of stability for people, some sort of home. Write books that you read until the edges are torn and songs that you listen to in your headphones on a lonely night bus, taking you somewhere far, far away.


I want to be so sure of my own place in the universe that no one could ever doubt me. What I’m about or what I’m here to do. I want to be a safe aura in a sea of worries and uncertainty. I want to stand for clarity where only chaos seems to grow.


Growing up is a wonderful thing. I can feel myself expanding quietly.


// from Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself

Read more about the book here >>>



Some more of my writings ...

I will be a writer now

I am not a broken heart I'm trying, as I always will

I’m a completely independent artist, living all by myself with no other support than yours. If you find any comfort or hope in what I do, my music or my writings, please consider supporting me, in order to be able to keep doing this. To keep learning, creating, growing and sharing what I learn. Everything matters, between a coffee to a donation for my next album. 

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5am
again,
drunk on someone else’s love,
or couch,
and I’ve never felt more at home.

I fled myself,
from the life I’ve built
because I’ve been inhabiting routines I don’t want to stand for.

Inhabiting skin I’d rather shed
but still took on
like a soldier serving his country,
for that’s what they told me to do.
But I was not
strong
or wise,
but young and foolish,
for what is this thing? Trading passions for a tiny bit of acceptance,

and I am not a Sunday morning inside four walls
with clean blood
and organised drawers.
I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests
at night when no one else is alive,
or awake,
however you choose to see it,
and I live in my own flames.
Sometimes burning too bright and too wild
to make things last 
or handle
myself or anyone else
and so I run.
Run run run,
far and wide
until my bones ache and lungs split
and it feels good.
Hear that, people? It feels good,
because I am the slave and ruler of my own body
and I wish to do with it exactly as I please,
and living in this skin is hard and painful, most of the times,

because I never volunteered to take this on.

The daily sacrifice of heart over mind,
the forever on going task of explaining this and that,
and why I don’t want to look like this and
be like that
but still here I am and if this is the body I’ve been given I’m sure as hell gonna make it work.
If this is the place I’ve been given, I’m sure as hell gonna make this work.

So I fled the me that was never really me and I’m on my way. To newer lands and uncleaned streets
for I’ve had enough of childish safety in comfort.
Enough of all telling me to look and do, like this and that,

and I never meant to please anyone but myself
and you can call me selfish,
throw words like knives in the dark but I will not listen,
for not listening to sharp words brought me to where I am today
and I believe in the path I’ve been given. If my only task in this life is to walk it,
I surely will walk it
prouder than anyone else.

If this is the path I’ve been given, I will walk it
prouder than anyone else,
for no one else can.

// from my book You’re Doing Just Fine ☾

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